#talk of depression

[fbs-hure]

I apologize for the depressing themes below. Read the tags.

I’m a people pleaser. I have been my entire life, bending over backwards for people, giving up things that I like/love because it gets in the way of others being happy, changing things about myself or things that I do because someone doesn’t like them. I know that I will continue to do this because of how I was treated growing up. I’ve stopped interacting with pages I love, that I adore (not just on Tumblr) because I feel nothing but shame, humiliation and embarrassment for the way I interact. I grow attached to pages for one reason or another and I hate it because I can’t find people to connect with because they don’t like the things that I like so I isolate myself and find things that I can enjoy in “secret” (ie nobody knows who I am). Since I started writing and posting updates about the various fics I have, I’ve been getting so much hate, insults and just horrible messages from people, not just on here but Ao3 as well. My email is visible (which I’m changing today) so I get nasty emails. This however is one thing I WILL NOT CHANGE. I refuse to change/edit/rewrite things that I’ve already done or plan to do. My writing is for ME. Yes it is in a specific demographic of people that also enjoy Outlast but my fics are for me. My most recent Franco fic contains actual real life stuff that’s happened to me (some things changed as I don’t want people to know exactly what happened to me) but it’s based off my life. I had debated putting a tag like that on the fic but decided against it and this post is the only way people will know about it. I’ve been called stupid all the way up to people telling me to k^ll myself (scherza su di loro, ci ho provato così chiaramente che l'insulto non funziona). My fics are also filled with some things that I want to happen in my life (happy things) that I know I will never get so I transfer it to writing so I can deal with the fact that I’ll never get it. But to sum this up, the people that send me anon asks, emails and whatever else they can do, I don’t fucking care. This is the one thing I have for myself and I refuse to give it up like I have so many other things in the past.

[bpderanged]

Are you normal or have you browsed some painless ways to die

[chloesimaginationthings]

William Afton lost two baddies in FNAF..

[densewentz]

When a cunty witch beats you to death then steals your boy toy for eternal torment 😢 (based on that 'don't you miss her???' meme)

[dollheartbadparts]

I wish I had the strength to just end it already.

[professionallyunstable]

“whats your plan b?” - suicide

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Just your average male living space.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[hinamie]

in my portrait era it wld seem

choso and/or yuki request for anon <3

[deadbeatfox]

Just let me die already.

[joes-coffin]

You know it's getting bad again when you start fantasizing about killing yourself

[adhd-winterfalcon]

imagine freshman congressman james ‘bucky’ barnes is accused of being homophobic and/or racist and he’s just like. i am married to a black man. and everyone is like “what?? who????” and he’s like “:) captain america”

[bpderanged]

I don't need someone to talk to. I need someone to kill me.

[awhitehead17]

Day by Day - Chapter 4

Previous Chapter

Chapter preview:

The following day wasn’t much better. Tim still felt low, still got annoyed by most things and wanted nothing more than to go home every minute of the day. He went to the library for solitude during lunch and then plodded through the last couple of lessons until the final bell rang to announce the end of the school day.

He still couldn’t go home yet though. As much as he wanted too, Tim had told the other teen he would help him and Tim knew he couldn’t back out on that. It wouldn’t be fair, despite his low mood and low tolerance he isn’t an asshole who is going to bail.  

His body goes into autopilot mode as he makes his way to the library, having gone there nearly every day since he started school he knows where it is off by heart. He enters the place and scans the room looking for the other teen he was meeting. The library is currently pretty empty but considering the bell had only rang a couple minutes ago he’s expecting it to fill up a little more in a bit. Not finding who he was looking for, Tim makes his way over to his usual table near the back of the room and settles on one of the chairs around the table.

Tim keeps an eye on the students who walk through the door, looking for the one who he was meeting, thankfully he didn’t have to wait very long because a few minutes later he comes strolling into the library. The other teen pauses just away from the entrance and scans the room clearly searching for Tim, to make it easier for him Tim waves his hand to try and get his attention. Luckily it works as his head snaps straight to Tim’s table and with a smile the guy starts heading his way.

[dollheartbadparts]

Brooo, I start feeling suicidal for the stupidest shit

[superbat-lmao]

Jason joking: You’re so annoying.

Roy loopy from sleep deprivation: You like annoying.

Jason flustered: What the fuck-

Later, talking about a family dinner that didn’t go well.

Roy morose: Sorry about that Jaybird, thanks for putting up with me last night. I know I can be annoying.

Jason realizing something about himself: I like annoying.

[paramountie]

Every time we see mark and Gemma in the flashback, they’re doing something mundane. Something unpleasant or boring that we all wish we could skip. Mark and Gemma meeting while giving blood, cut to Gemma on the testing floor getting blood drawn. Mark and Gemma bonding over work, grading papers together, doing dishes, all the boring things that lumon is trying to sever out of a life. But if they couldn’t remember giving blood, they wouldn’t remember meeting. If they couldn’t remember work, they wouldn’t have anything to talk about. All these boring, unpleasant, painful, mundane tasks that lead to greater joy, that make up a life. You can’t cut out any of it without losing everything.